Setting the Course

In more detail

Visitation Connections

Visitation Connections helps guests find each other and start talking. HeldFast provides a set of name tags for guests to fill out when they arrive. Each tag has room for how they knew the person and an “Ask me about…” line, such as the fishing trip in 1998 or the year they worked the night shift together. In the corner of each tag is a small symbol, and guests are invited to find the person wearing the matching one and learn how that person knew their loved one. Families can add other elements, such as a table of writing prompts or a place to leave a short letter, and a HeldFast Guide can move through the room to help conversations along. Everything guests write is collected and given to the family afterward.

Remembrance Roundtables

A Remembrance Roundtable can be held in two ways. A Gathered Roundtable brings people together at a scheduled time for a conversation led by a HeldFast Guide. An Open Roundtable is set up where guests naturally gather, with prompted cards and short question sheets on the table, so people can pause to write a memory, a word of thanks, or a few lines about the person for the family. Some families like to place a few of the person's belongings on the table, such as a favorite mug or a well-worn deck of cards, though this is optional.

Children's Circle

When a family loses someone close, children are often silent observers of everything going on around them. The Children's Circle gives them a way to take part, through activities that let them honor the person they love and express their gratitude in their own way. HeldFast brings all of the materials and sets up a welcoming space for them, including drawing and writing pages made especially for children, along with crayons, markers, and a few simple prompts. A HeldFast Guide leads a small group through activities such as drawing favorite memories, looking at photographs, or answering simple questions, and no child is expected to sit still or say the right thing. Parents and caregivers may stay nearby or let their children take part on their own. The circle can run alongside the other activities at the visitation or as a short session of its own.

Storytelling and Writing Workshop

The workshop gives family and friends time to talk about the person they love and then put their memories into words. No writing experience is needed. A HeldFast Guide leads the group through shared stories, a short brainstorming list, and a few minutes of free writing before each person writes a finished piece on a card. The workshop may also be booked as storytelling alone or writing alone. Each workshop runs about an hour and a half, depending on the size of the group and the extent of the writing and sharing. The finished cards are given to the family at the end of the gathering, and guests may also leave their notes in a box for the family.

Quiet Remembrance Circle

The Quiet Remembrance Circle is meant for gatherings where words feel difficult or unnecessary. Your Guide offers a few simple prompts and leaves plenty of silence between them. Guests may write privately or rest in the silence, and nothing is spoken aloud unless the family asks the Guide to open or close the circle with a few words. It is especially well suited to a room where emotions are close to the surface.

The Uncut Story Session

Most people would rather be remembered as they really were than as a polite eulogy describes them. The Uncut Story Session makes room for the whole person, including the temper, the terrible jokes, and the time he drove three hours for a pie. A HeldFast Guide opens the session and keeps the tone kind and inclusive, and it can be as irreverent or as lighthearted as fits the person being remembered. The session can take place during the visitation or afterward, at the funeral home or somewhere else. With everyone's permission, it can be recorded or written up for the family.

Eulogy Support

A eulogy usually falls to a single family member in the days after a death. Ahead of a funeral or memorial, a HeldFast Guide meets with family or a close friend. The Guide can help craft a draft, refine one the writer has already begun, or gather stories from those closest to the person and write the eulogy from their memories. The eulogy may be read by one family member, shared among several voices, or delivered by HeldFast, and afterward it becomes a keepsake that can be copied and given to relatives and friends.

A Eulogy Around the Table

Most eulogies are written by one person, alone, in the days after a death. This one is written by the whole room. At a luncheon, in a living room, outdoors, or wherever people gather, even weeks or months later, each table or group receives a stack of cards with short prompts, some serious and some funny.

Guests answer a line or two at a time and pin their cards to a board near the door, where everyone can watch the eulogy grow and read what others have added. No one has to write much or speak alone.

Before the gathering ends, the HeldFast Guide arranges the cards into a single eulogy, keeping each person’s words where possible, and it is read aloud by a family member, by several voices in turn, or by HeldFast.

The board and the finished eulogy go home with the family. The eulogy becomes a keepsake that can be copied and shared with relatives and friends, including those who were not able to be there.

Games to Remember

Games to Remember brings family and friends together for friendly games in which every answer is about the person you are missing. It is usually held at a luncheon after the funeral, at a home or at a venue the family chooses, and HeldFast can also suggest one of its partner venues. Guests might guess the year a photograph was taken or decide how she would have answered a particular question. One game is a timeline of the person's life with blanks left in it, and guests fill in what they know, such as the first car, the summer job at the lumberyard, or the year the family moved to the lake. A HeldFast Guide runs the games and leaves time between rounds, because stories tend to emerge from the answers. The finished timeline and anything else guests write down are kept for the family.

Toast to the Departed

A toast may be shared aloud with everyone or offered silently and in private. Guests may raise a glass together at a set time, or each person may step forward alone when ready. Before the toast, guests write their words on cards with prompts that draw out memories, gratitude, words of farewell, and a little humor. Some families also invite a few people to give longer toasts, and toasts can be recorded if the family wishes.

At a funeral home, a guest may stand quietly at the casket to honor the person before raising a glass. Guests may leave their written messages in a small jar placed inside the casket or at a nearby table. Afterward, the family may keep the messages or return them to the casket with the person being honored. When making arrangements, the family can ask the funeral home about its alcohol policy and any other guidelines.

Letters from Loved Ones

Many people find it hard to say what they mean while standing in a receiving line, and this offering gives them more time. Each guest takes home an envelope containing a short letter of invitation, a guide with ideas to begin, HeldFast writing paper, and a stamped return envelope addressed to the family. They may write a few lines or several pages in the days or weeks that follow, and they may sign their name or send the note anonymously. These letters often arrive after the first rush of visitors has passed, which is when many families need them most.